‘How rude of you not to walk with your head bowed!’ My dad scolded me as I was walking past in front of my parents and their guest who were seated in the living room.
I was twelve years old and a friend of my mum was visiting my parents that evening. There were some biscuits and half-drunk coffee on the table.
I used to stoop whenever I had to walk in front of my elders. That evening, I had finished my homework early, so I was delighted to have a bit of time to play. In my excitement to go off and annoy my cats, I forgot to hunch as I scurried past my elders. Being scolded in front of a guest dampened my mood a bit and I went off and sat in a corner of the fence sulking on my own in the dark for a few minutes. Mosquitoes were buzzing around me trying to sink their teeth into my bare arms and legs. I called out to the cats. None of my four cats were to be seen.
As I was an only child with no friends nearby, my cats enjoyed the privilege of having their tails pulled, getting their ears flicked, having their whiskers measured and trimmed and being chased for no apparent reason. That night, the cats seemed to be in no mood to entertain me. As I sat still in the gentle breeze, I started to imagine some ghosts coming out of the bushes, looming eerily in the dim moonlight under the stars. A shudder went through me and so I ran back into the living room, this time remembering to walk with my head bowed in front of the grown-ups.
When the guest was gone, I got a further scolding.
‘It’s embarrassing. She must have thought we don’t teach you good manners. Always – always walk with your head bowed in front of your elders. It’s very rude to walk with a straight back when elders are sitting.’
As a kid, I had to learn and remember several rules of etiquette when interacting with elders at all times.
‘If you’re passing something to someone older, you do that with both hands.’
‘Do not backchat your elders. It’s bad manners to backchat no matter what.’
‘Obey your parents and teachers. Children who don’t will go to hell.’
As a result, I have spent two thirds of my life stooping, passing something very light with both hands and agreeing with everything my parents and relatives say.
Even today, I still automatically walk with head bowed whenever I have to walk across the front of my older colleagues who are seated. However, I have shaken off the habit of passing a pen with both hands after getting some strange looks from people. (But then I often get strange looks, so it could have been a completely different thing they were giving me a strange look for.)
To my own slight disappointment, I still seem to agree with everything my elders say.
The other day, my mum was lecturing me over the phone.
‘Don’t wash your hair at night. It’ll ruin your health over time.’
‘Yes, mum.’
‘Don’t wear white clothes, it will make your skin look dry and darker.’
‘Yes, mum.’
‘Don’t eat red meat often. You’re not young anymore, so you need to look after your health.’
‘Yes, mum.’
But my mum can’t see that I wash my hair regularly at night, have a few white tops in my wardrobe and still eat red meat quite often. After all, some things are better agreed and then disobeyed.