I used to make deals with Buddha. It was simple. I prayed, donated things in front of Buddha statues and asked for things. I asked to pass my exam with distinctions, I asked for a better phone, I asked for things for my parents, I asked for so many things that I can’t remember. So, I can say proudly that I’m an experienced deal maker. It’s one of the most valuable skills if you are a Buddhist. My family, all my relatives, their friends and millions of other Burmese have that skill off to a fine art.
Even with my 20 plus years’ experience, I’m still a novice compared to some people. One of my relatives routinely goes to her favourite monastery and goes into a weeks-long meat fast. That is, she doesn’t eat meat within that promised time frame. After that period, she prays and tells Buddha that she has been a good human being by not eating meat, thereby not contributing to the killing of animals. In return, she asks for things she wants.
‘My revered Buddha, I have been good all these weeks, haven’t I? I haven’t eaten meat for three weeks. Look how thin I am! Now, in return for my sacrifice, I would like to upgrade my kitchen please. Oh, no, there is this new car that I’ve been wanting. Come to think of it, how’s about a better husband? The current one doesn’t seem to be earning enough to pay for both the new kitchen and the new car. So, I’ll just make one wish. Please bring me a new husband that can afford to pay for everything I want. Deal?’
It seems she’s a master at deal making. Well, they say, if you don’t ask, you don’t get. So, she’s got a point.
It seems that she eventually got a new kitchen and a new car without needing to find a better husband. It was a success whichever way you look at it.
She taught others her skills. She shared them with my mum and dad. They didn’t quite get to the same master level as she did, but they picked up a few tips and tricks. And they use them when they make a deal with Buddha and some good things seem to happen. I mean, negotiating with a higher being you’ve never ever seen must take some nerves.
One advantage of communicating so often with Buddha is that it gives you the feeling that you are favoured, whether your wish comes true or not. If you actually get something you want, not only will you feel the joy of getting it, but you’ll also get a feeling that you are specially looked out for by Buddha. If you don’t get it, of course, you can simply put it down to Buddha having good reasons for not wanting to give you what you want. You are still special. You can put that heavy burden squarely on Buddha. He is a good lord like that, looking after his children, taking all that responsibility so that they don’t need to be accountable for their own life. Very kind!
Since I left home however I have slowly lost the skill of making a deal with Buddha. But I feel the pressure to pretend I still have it every time I visit my family. My skill has deteriorated so much that the last two times that I was back in Yangon, I found myself staring blankly at the face of a Buddha statue unable to put my wishes into words.
We were in Shwe Da Gon, the most famous pagoda in Myanmar which attracts thousands of Buddhists from the neighbouring countries every month. My mum bought a bunch of flowers to donate to Buddha. She also took out some money. She handed me the flowers and the money and told me to donate it to the Buddha statue on the area of my birth animal. You see, every Buddhist is represented by an animal depending on what day of the week they are born: my dad by a dragon, my mum an elephant and I a legendary bird called garuda. For some reasons, Buddhists are so sociable that they have to bring in animals to look after even when they know full well that they are in fact just humans in weird costumes.
Anyway, my mum told me to pray and ask for a wish to come true after donating the flowers and the money. My obedient legs carried me to one of the gigantic vases in front of the Buddha statue. They were already crowded with other people’s flowers so I had to poke about a bit to find a space for mine. And my obedient hands put the money into one of the glass donation boxes where other cash was already cosily settled. Then I knelt down and put my palms together to pray. After saying a prayer and paying homage to Buddha, I was supposed to ask for my wish, saying something along the lines of, ‘Now, my lord, I have given you a bunch of flowers and some money. In return, I want you to fulfil this wish of mine.’
Lost for words, under the glare of my mum who was making sure I was doing what I was supposed to be doing, I eventually whispered, ‘You know, Buddha, I have been a good girl, I have given you a lot of things including food, flowers and money over my lifetime. Granted I’m prone to fall asleep whenever I listen to monks’ sermons. But I’ve been good most of the time. In return, please look after my mum and dad while I’m away. Got it? Thank you.’
I half expected a voice telling me ‘How dare you come here and make a deal with me! How disrespectful!’
I gazed at the face of the Buddha statue for a while. But he didn’t say anything. So, I felt relieved and left the pagoda.
That night, I had a dream: Buddha told me off for giving him things he didn’t ask for. And there was me, demanding that he granted my wishes. He said he’s got millions of other people giving him things he’s not asking for and demanding their wishes be granted. He said we worldly creatures are very unreasonable. How come we expect him to fulfil all of our wishes? He said we are too greedy. I sheepishly agreed with him. What else could I say?
But that dream never came. Or did it come? Maybe I just thought it. Either way, it doesn’t change the fact that I have become so bad at making a deal with Buddha that now I can’t sit in a temple and ask for what I want without feeling like I’m disrespecting him. So, I just have to take the blame for everything that happens in my life. Shame, really!