By this point in my life, I have taken for granted my everyday use of the English language as if I’m a native speaker. From time to time though, I’m reminded of the fact that actually I haven’t been using it all that long.
For example, for quite a while, I had been telling people that I needed a pair of thongs to cook sausages. I didn’t understand the amusement on their faces. It turned out that what I meant was tongs, and not thongs. I needed tongs to turn the sausages over. Well, since I didn’t know what thongs were, I didn’t get what all the fuss was about. Even today, I still struggle to choose the right version. My brain is usually very good at learning and retaining information. But this time, she is not very cooperative. I have pleaded with her countless times. But she resolutely refuses to take those words on board.
So, I can see the scenario in the future where I am flipping sausages with a pair of thongs and wondering why on earth people would want to wear tongs.
Until recently, I didn’t quite remember the difference between “flea”, “flee” and “fleece”. So, I once told the people at work that somebody had left a flea at the front desk. Eventually, they managed to figure out that it was a fleece and not a flea that I was going on about. I’m so glad I’m able to be an endless source of entertainment for my co-workers. But, I’ve now got a story to help me remember the differences between those words: The Garfield lookalike down the street has got fleas. He is fleeing from me because he mistakes me for a grisly bear since I am wearing a dark fluffy fleece.
Another troublesome pair for me is “work” and “walk”. Of course, I do know the difference between them. What I have never been able to do however is to pronounce them correctly. I know each has a slightly different sound. But no matter how hard I practise, I still can’t pronounce them differently. So, I always end up telling people that I have worked to work. And I went for a work 
yesterday. I can see in people’s eyes the confusion. I always have to explain myself and spell out the word I mean. My favourite activity is going for a work in the countryside taking in the views and gazing at horses. See?
Now, you may not think anything of the word “unique.” For me, it took years before I realized that it wasn’t pronounced “you-nee-kwee.” For years, I thought I was a very you-nee-kwee girl. The same with the word “picturesque”. I had been admiring picture-skew landscapes for years.
The different sounds of “secret” and “cigarette” shouldn’t give anyone any trouble, but they do the Burmese. I would be telling people that I couldn’t stand the smell of secrets and that always got them confused. In my mind, I clearly meant cigarette, but some people obviously thought I was just being poetic. Some thought I was taking the moral high ground and telling them off for gossiping. Snooty, they would have thought.
And I like my colleges at work. Sorry … I mean colleagues.
At least, I have never made as bad a mistake as one of the Burmese students I came across back in Yangon. He was asked to write an essay arguing whether there should be a special room at every airport for new mothers to breastfeed their babies. He went in favour of the point and wrote “there should be a room for lactating mothers to milk their babies.” And I had to check his essay as I was also my teacher’s assistant. I couldn’t stop laughing for days whenever I thought about lactating mothers sitting at airports gleefully squeezing milk out of their babies. Poor guy!
And another student wrote something about exporting missionaries. After a bit of sussing out, it turned out he was talking about exporting machinery! Still, my mind went into overdrive thinking of the black robed nuns and priests sitting in big cargo containers ready to be exported!
You see, learning English is not easy. Still, I have never once wished that I was born a native speaker. I wouldn’t have wanted to swap the learning process for the world.