“Oh, a stack of cars … and it’s moving!”
That was the first thing that struck me when I first landed in London in December 2007. A car transporter would not be a strange sight for anyone reading this, but it was the first time I’d seen one in my life. It was as if I’d seen a spaceship!
Up to that point, I had never been out of Myanmar. Although things had developed and improved a lot over the years, Myanmar was still a very closed and underdeveloped country at the time. Things like car transporters and systematic motorways were unheard of. It was as if the country was lagging 100 years behind in development.
The extent to which I had to adjust to my new lifestyle was somewhat like being raised in a jungle and then suddenly having to move to a city. Although it wasn’t that extreme, as I grew up in the capital city of Myanmar, there was quite a big gap for me to close.
To make matters worse, I was a very dependent girl. The fact that I was poorly equipped to face the world head-on was an understatement.
Much like in a lot of Asian cultures, children and young adults in Myanmar are very dependent on their parents. They live with their parents until they get married. They are expected to obey their parents in every aspect of their life. Parents make decisions for everything ranging from what clothes to wear to what career to pursue and when to get married and to whom. Children who don’t obey their parents are traditionally seen as bad and immoral.
My parents used to make every decision for me. They chose what haircut I should have, what subjects I should study and who I should become friends with. They would do this because they believed that, left to my own devices, I would surely make the wrong decision. They were being responsible parents and I was being a dutiful daughter following their instructions to a T. In Myanmar, this situation is not unique although I think I might have been on the more extreme side of the continuum as I am an only child.
Living like that for the first 24 years of my life, I was poorly equipped to enter adult life. Even though my body was that of an adult, my mind was still that of a child.
Little did I realize that I had zero (in fact minus a hundred) per cent self-confidence. I didn’t even know what self-confidence was. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, I was going to join a university course straight away since that was why I came to the UK in the first place.
Even having a class discussion was like I had been forced at gun point to sneak into a zoo and stroke a tiger. And I didn’t enjoy the course one bit. But I survived and managed to get a degree.
However, as I settled into the new lifestyle, my own self kicked in. It was as if “I” didn’t exist previously. The “I” that lived with my parents was kind of their alter ego.
Coming to the UK was the best thing I could have done. It allowed me to start living genuinely as myself. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in the least blaming my parents. In fact, there is one area where I’m most grateful for my mother’s decision. She encouraged (shall I say forced?) me to learn English religiously.
Have you noticed how good my English is? (Modest, aren’t I?)
So, I ran into only minor communication problems. I remember being shocked when a bus driver called me “darling.” And a shopkeeper called me “love.” I thought the town was full of dirty old men. But I quickly learnt that that’s just the friendly way people address each other here. Phew!
Anyway, as I have built my life away from my “homeland,” there are a lot of things I have learnt and made use of. These things are special because they were born entirely out of my own curiosity and motivation, not because my parents wanted me to do them. This may not sound like a big deal to you. But for someone like me who functioned with my parents’ mind and not my own for more than 20 years, they are significant.
Over the years, I have discovered that I love writing. I also enjoy learning new things and sharing with whoever is willing to listen. As I don’t find as many victims (!) in my current neighbourhood, I have started this blog to find some from the wider community of the world. To be honest, I still secretly doubt that what I have to say is of any interest to anyone. After all, I’ve only really been alive about 10 years or so.
But if I find one or two people who find this blog useful, I’ll be delighted. This blog is my personal space to share what I’ve learnt and found useful. It may benefit you too.
I hope you enjoy what you read here. I certainly love writing and sharing what I don’t have a chance to do offline. Blogging is wonderful. It allows me to be talkative without having to scare people away from bumping into me for fear of being talked at for a long time.
This blog has saved me from becoming a creep as it gives me an outlet for my inborn chatterbox.
If you have read this far, I thank you very, very much.
Su Su
